Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously
would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee.This note should
be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101
courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics
involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven
to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music
along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the
crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddy Mercury, who
seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something
I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you.
It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to
rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel
as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk on stage. I've tried everything
within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough).
I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people
I must be one of the narcisists who only appreciate things when they're
alone. I'm too sensitive, I need to be slightly numb in order to regain enthusiasm.
But, what's sad is our child. On our last three tours, I've had a much better appreciation
of all the prople I've known personally, and as fans of our music. But I still can't get out
the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for everybody. There is good in all of us, and I
simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad
little sensitive unappreiative pisces Jesus man! why dont you just enjoy it? I dont know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and epathy, and a daughter who reminds
me to much of what I used to be. full of love and joy, every person she meets
because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can
barely function. I cant stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self destructive,
deathrockre she become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since
the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems
so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Empathy only because I love and feel
for people too much I guess. Thank you from the pit of my burning nauseas
stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm too much of a neurotic moody
person and I don't have the passion anymore, so remember, it's better to burn out, than to
fade away. Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney.
for Frances for her life which will be so much happier
without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!